Contingency |Definition|- A future event or circumstance that is possible but cannot be predicted with certainty.
Recently I've had the challenge of finding beauty within the bizarre of life. It isn't always an easy battle but it's a road all of us will walk if we have any kind of longing for happiness in us.
Just about every moment of life we are walking around, searching.
Searching for deliverance, for the melody among the cacophony.
Searching for enlightenment in the numb conformity of the suburbs.
We tend to let this world run us out, run us dry, and stretch us thin. I know I had. The past couple of weeks I have definitely been stretched thin, so much to the point where I didn't think I was going to regain my shape. Every corner I turned, chaos, in every aspect. Whether it's based from recent decisions to heartbreaks and even to the future. I felt like the world was crumbling around me, that this dark valley was longer then the one I've walked before.
8am. on the dot. my eyes opened. wide awake. i look over at my clock and my heart sunk. knowing that i felt my current whereabouts were wrong, that i "belonged" somewhere else at that time.I had every intention on glooming through the day, barely making it through. Some days are harder then others. I stayed desolate and alone with my songbook and pen for about two hours. Slowly but surely I make my way upstairs, to be greeted by the face of my smiling mother. Just that smile, I found an inch of grace. The sound of my sister's laugh at her corny jokes, i found grace. The sleepy and worn out eyes of my father--grace. Even the furry face of my cat staring back at me-- grace. All of these things, brought an ounce of happiness, laughter, and thankfulness all in one. Wrapped up in a beautiful package labeled-grace. Something I wanted to so desperately open, like a child on Christmas. Something that would make me forget about all the other cares in the world and enjoy the moments I call "usual"; the moments I may even complain about. I then began to think that happiness is a choice; to be thankful for the myriad blessings that I have, rather then glooming about the few unpleasant, heartbreaking, and disappointing things.
I began to think,
-How can there ever be an act of peace coming from me when I don't have inner peace; inner happiness?
-How can there ever be inner peace within all of these innumerable outer distractions of "everyday life" lined up?
-How can I ever find something beautiful within the bizarre?
That's when the change of mind started to kick in, that's the when the new mindset was brought into the light.
Oh how easily we forget the incredible gifts given!
Oh how easily we forget the child that doesn't have clothes, because we can't have the ones we want to keep up with the trend.
Oh how easily we forget the ones that don't have a place to call home, because we "think" that we need a better one.
Oh how easily! Oh how easily all that can be forgotten.
Not at all am I insinuating that all we care about are the petty things, but we must admit for our own good that we do focus on them alot.
We all have hurts. I do. I've had disappointments, rejection, fear, and heartbreak all wrapped up in a deceiving package and put on my doorstep. I opened it, blind, not being able to see what it really was until it was too late. Yeah, it was too late to act like it wasn't there, but it wasn't too late to turn my mindset around for the positive.
It wasn't too late to stay optimistic, still looking for the final release; the aroma of healing and freedom.
It wasn't too late to still find something beautiful, still find that beautiful thing, still find that grace within all my contingency.
Keeping running towards the horizon, toward your own grace,
Tori Taylar
Noice! :)
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